“I Died Once” (I.D.O.) First Draft Review & Reply

by darkjade68

Back on April 18th of this year, My Personal Writing Blog “The Written Word” Hit 8 Months Old, and so I Created a Questionnaire (Feel Free To Fill It Out If You Are One of My Readers Over There) Asking My Reader’s Opinion of My Blog Series (Which I currently have 3-4), and My Novella & Novel “I Died Once” (I.D.O.) & “Chess With Agatha“.

I Received 2 Replies, both of which I Appreciated… And on one of them, the Reader said they wanted to Finish Reading “I.D.O.” (Which I Finished My First Draft Of Last Year) and “Chess With Agatha” (Which I’m Still Working On) and get back to me…

That same Reader did give me some very Insightful/Good Input on Some of My Blog Series however.

Well, just as I am at a Point where I am Looking for an Editor for “I.D.O.” so that I might Self Publish it This, or Next Month, That Reader E-mailed me a Full Review on Its First Draft…

It was Very Thorough, and Thoughtful, but it would take me a bit to “Fully” Reply.

At the point that this Reader did the Review, they hadn’t Seen The Prologue that I had Since Wrote, and so I then sent them that as well… Some of Their Questions and Thoughts might have been Altered a bit, had they seen the “Very Short”, yet “Fairly Insightful” Prologue. For the Sake of “Following Along”, should you want to Read Chapters as I Do These “Review and Reply” Posts, I shall Hold off on Showing The Prologue Until After I am Thorough, so that you Might have a Clearer Perspective to The Reader’s Perspective… Does That Make Sense? Lol Hope so.

For the Sake of “Brevity”, I shall Do Each Review and Reply Post “One Chapter At A Time”.

Also, as Opposed to Posting The Full Blown Chapter (They’re Fairly Short, as I Wrote Them as Posts), I will Instead Supply you the “Link” To Each Chapter that we are Discussing, should you want to check it out, and see What The Reader and I are Talking About, though I Think it is Possible for you to get something out of these Posts without Actually Reading The Chapters as well.

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I Died Once” (I.D.O.) First Draft – Review and Reply

Chapter One – State Of Murder (Link Will Open New Tab)

Reader: What I like so far ~
* I like that you start out with her thoughts and sarcasm. It draws me in, and makes me curious about her.
DarkJade Reply: “She’s Definitely Sarcastic at the Beginning… Primarily from being in so much emotional pain all of the time from her difficult existence. I’m Glad it draws you in, and Makes you Curious about her.
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* I like how you handled her suicide attempt at the end of the chapter. It was really well-worded. When people commit suicide, or try to, there’s usually a calm that comes over them. Like they’re at peace. They’re logical about it. And I get that calm logic from her.
DarkJade Reply: “I Tried to make the whole Suicide Thing very nonchalant… As Mady is very “Emotionally Shutdown” at this point, and pretty “At Peace” with the idea of not living any longer. Also with the Intent of making the Readers have to think “My God… Is She Going To Kill Herself? What could be so wrong that she would do this?”.
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Reader: What I’d like to see more on ~
* I’m curious about what Maddy’s diagnosis is. I see the doctor gives her meds to help her relax, but what does that mean? Are they anti-anxiety? Maybe add just a sentence or two towards the beginning where she kind of thinks something sarcastic about it. Something like that would help me get inside her head a little more, and would help me connect with her more.
DarkJade Reply: Mady’s Diagnosis; I Leave This Very Vague on purpose. This Story is very much from her point of view, and by this time in her life, the’ve been trying to stick pills in her for years. I want the Readers to feel her “Disconnection” from her world. I don’t want the Readers to know specifically what the “Pills” are, or What Her “Diagnosis” Officially might be… As the Story Evolves/Unfolds, it will become apparent why she was unhappy and thusly medicated.
In other words, she’s not likely to “Think” about the pills by this point, and thus there’s “No Thoughts Pertaining to Them” for the Readers to share… Which is why she without thinking about it simply drops them out the car window one by one, without thought. I’m trying to also send the message that Mady hasn’t taken any of the pills they give her for years.
Connect With Her; I want it to be a bit difficult for Readers to connect with her at first… It helps to give you a sense of just how disconnected she is to everything at this point… She’s not even really “Connected” to herself… Thus the Reader shan’t be yet either… She very much “Needs to be Reached”. As she gets more “Access” to herself, Her “Heart”, Her “Soul”, so shall the Reader.
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* At the end of the chapter why is she trying to kill herself? Does this tie into her diagnosis? Or is there something beyond a chemical imbalance? Some family trauma? Does it have to do with her dad not being around, or is she at peace with that?
DarkJade Reply: Why is she trying to Kill Herself?; I very much want the Unraveling of the Story to Demonstrate/Make Clear why she was trying to Kill Herself. The Readers by no means are meant to know why in the Beginning. The “Disconnect” is the Message I’m sending to the Readers at First… “What could make her do this?” Is Indeed the Question I want the Reader to ask. To like you say, “Draw Them In”.
Does This Tie to Her Diagnosis? Or is this Something Beyond a Chemical Imbalance? Some Form of Family Trauma? Does it have to do with Her Dad not being around, or is she at peace with that?; Any Diagnosis she might have, has Completely to do with the “Shut Off World Without Love” that she lives in.
Because this is “Mady’s” Perspective, She doesn’t take anything to do with the Doctors Serious. Thusly, she doesn’t think about such things as Her “Diagnosis”.
That is something that exists in the “Outer World”, which she is “Disconnected” from Emotionally. “Chemical Imbalance”, same thing, that would be an “Outer World” thing, not something that she would Ponder. “Family Trauma”, some of that is explained later, as you know. “Her Dad Being Gone”, no, to her, Her Father doesn’t even exist, beyond Stories, and Trinkets around the House… And The Supposed “Address” which she takes out of her box. And, “No”, she’s not at all at Peace with Her Dad Being out of the Picture.
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I‘ll Go Ahead and End It Here… I’d Like to Thank My “Reader”, who may, or may not make Their Self Known in The Comments Below… Totally Their Call… For Such a Well Thought Out Review, and Set of Comments and Questions… I Find it “Very Helpful”, especially since I Finished The First Draft Way Back at the End of Last Year, and also because I’m currently in the Process of “Editing”, and/or “Having The Piece” Edited.
 
Thank You Also to you, My Readers, and/or “Comrades in Ink, and/or Art”, for Reading/Listening.
 
All Replies are Welcome, and if you Prefer To Give Feedback in Private, Feel Free to E-mail me at TrueDarkJade68@yahoo.com… Not everyone wants their Words and/or Comments in The “Public Eye” after all.
 
I’ll be Posting My “Review and Reply” for Chapter II Very Soon.
 
Nuff Said
DarkJade-
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9 Responses to ““I Died Once” (I.D.O.) First Draft Review & Reply”

  1. Reblogged this on The Written Word and commented:
    I Wrote This Post over on The Dark Blog, but It’s about My Novella “I Died Once” (I.D.O.) which I Wrote Here… So I thought My Readers Might Be Interested/Enjoy The Post

    DarkJade-

  2. Cool review :-) How is the editing coming along?

    • Fairly well as I’m at least getting Re-Honed in to the Story… Since I Finished it at the end of last year, I haven’t really looked over it too much… Always Writing, Writing, Writing more/new stuff. But I want to get Honed in on it, so that when I work with an Editor, I’ll be able to Respond, and Work with them well… At this Point, I don’t have an Editor for it, but I’m considering a few different people… The Reader that did this Review actually offered to do what is called a “Line Edit”… I didn’t even know what that meant, Lol… Had to look it up… But it basically has to do with Style, Feeling and Grammar I believe… Anyway, I’m going to take a look at what she comes up with, and see if I want to change anything before I get it to an Editor. My Writing on “The Written Word” are such “Rough Drafts”, I don’t really want to hand an Editor a “Editing Nightmare”, Lol

      But we’ll see how it goes… Thanks for Asking Madhu… And thanks for your Comment

      DarkJade-

      • You are welcome :-) Sounds like a lot of hard work ahead of you.

        • It’s Actually Pretty Exciting… I’ve Self Published the Poetry Book, but this will be My First Self Published Novella… I am realizing that it will probably take more work than I expected to Edit it, but I’m actually looking forward to the Process… I really Liked working with My Sister (Who Edited My Poetry Book) on Editing My Poetry Book… I Asked her if she’d consider doing it, because she is a Poet, a Reader, and has always done Extremely Well in College… She’s not an “Editor”, but I felt her Skills are most likely Good enough to Edit… And I think I was right, I think she did a Great Job on my Poetry Book… Sadly, she’s busier these days than she was in December when she Edited it, which is why I’ve finally decided to Find Someone Else… She’s just too busy, and I don’t want to Push it Off any longer. I’m Hoping to get it Edited and Self Publish it in Late May, or Early June… We shall see.

          DarkJade-

  3. You encourage me you know…this story flows so well, the title totally sold me…wish you the very best in the process ahead of you…am very sure you will be just fine :) The idea of review and reply is pretty cool.

    • Thank You Vee…

      Yah know it was Originally Just a “Working” Title… I figured I’d name it later… But as time went by, it seem to make sense that I kept it… At first I thought it was a bit “Morbid” sounding… But in reality, it has a More Spiritual Meaning. And so I’m sticking with it… But I also like calling it “I.D.O.”.

      Thank you for the Good Wishes.

      As far as the “Review & Reply” Concept… I have found in Blogging, that when you are kind of in between “Story Lines”, and don’t really have anything to Post, that is sometimes good to “Post About The Process” of Writing… Or, basically, Post about the fact that you’re in between Story Posts… What I mean is, it Captures some of the “Behind The Scenes” Stuff yah know… Which I think can be as Fascinating as The Stories themselves some times, yah know.

      And sense all of these things/processes such as “Reviews” and “Getting Work Edited” are fairly New to me, I thought Sharing the Actual Process would be cool too… Perhaps it’s the “Journalist” Part or me… Which is what “The Dark Globe” was partially Created for in the First Place, in Addition to “Working” With Other Artists.

      Thanks for your Comment and Encouragement Vee, I’ll be Posting Chapter II “Review & Reply” pretty soon… Give the Readers a few days to Digest this one, Lol.

      I’m Glad I Encourage you… You are a Brilliant, Spirited and Talented Writer… And are only likely to Improve the More You Write. I Foresee many Books in your Future.

      DarkJade-

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