Archive for January 3rd, 2012

January 3, 2012

My Dark Globe of vanity

by Michael Cargill

Hello readers, one and all.  Some of you know me already but most won’t.  My name is Michael Cargill and I was the winner of the Dark Globe 2011 Writer award for the ramblings on my blog called, erm, Michael Cargill.  Upon receiving the award Jade confidently stated that it would enable me to walk naked in shopping centres without harassment.  So I whipped my trousers off and decided to put it to the test.

Things started off well.  The first unsuspecting civilian who saw me did not bat an eyelid.  He just looked at me and belched.  I saw something fall out of his mouth and onto his beard.  He groped around for this stray morsel and a victorious grin spread across his face the moment his stubby fingers hit home.  He looked like he had just uncovered the secret den of Jimmy Hoffa and Lord Lucan.  Then he rolled over, readjusted his duvet of newspapers and went back to sleep.

I moved on and stopped outside a clothes shop.  There were mannequins in the window.  Naked mannequins.  I was reminded of that early scene in Terminator 2 where the T1000 looks curiously at the silver mannequin.  With my new-found power of invisible nakedness I felt invincible.  I picked up a bin and threw it at the window.  Stepping through the glass I then acted out the scene from the film.  Shortly afterwards I was shot in the arse with a tranquilliser gun and arrested.  After a confident start to 2012 I am now destined to finish it as a Never Nude.

Back in September or so I self-published an e-book for free.  Then I published another one and got the idea of starting a blog to promote my work in some way.  I didn’t really know how to go about linking the blog directly to my books so I decided to start off with a couple of satire news stories and it quickly evolved into it’s own, separate entity.

Some inspiration for the things I write have come from The Onion and David Thorne’s fabulous website.  Initially I had the idea that I could create an intriguing air of mystery by posting articles and never reply to any comments left by people.  This illusion was shattered quite quickly when, twenty minutes after creating my first post, I wasn’t inundated with hordes of grateful visitors eagerly devouring every word that I wrote.

Erm, that’s mostly it really.  So far I have enjoyed working on my blog and reading what other people are doing.  Thank you to everyone who has visited my blog over the months and good luck for 2012.  I am due to self-publish a collection of three short stories soon so that is one thing for me to look forward to!

Thank you once again to Jade for doing these awards and for letting me post on his blog.