The Dark Globe – This Means War… In Review

by 'Ard Pete

Having been informed by the big cheese himself that we hadn’t actually done any film reviews for about a month now, I thought it lucky that I was going to the cinema this past weekend.

Reading the history of production about this film it was said that it was originally to star Sam Worthington until he dropped out and was replaced by Tom Hardy, which is only a God send and he’s the actor to watch at the moment. His last film I saw, Warrior, he did a fantastic job of not being English and looking like some absolute beast.

This film he and the new captain Kirk; Chris Pine are definitely the new blood of this industry.


Story; The story is about two CIA agents, but not just that, they’re best friends. Almost like brothers if you will. The sort of friends that would take a bullet for each other without even thinking twice. The actual story isn’t all that complicated to explain, it’s the classic, two men fall for the same woman story.

It shows how far men are willing to go to get a hot girlfriend and the whole, “Bro’s before ho’s” never really works out in the end. Hardy meets a girl on an internet dating website and the two meet up, have a great time.

She after then Witherspoon meets Pine in a video store around the corner, who was actually hiding out there in case Hardy needed saving. Not knowing that they’ve fallen for the same girl they brag to each other about how they’ve both met an awesome woman. Revealing to each other at the same time who it is they’ve met only to discover they’ve fallen for the same woman.

They then come up with a set of rules (of which are eventually broken) and decided to try and win the girl over. Witherspoon falls for both Pine and Hardy for very different reasons and is torn which she should choose in the end, all the while putting a strain on the two’s friendship.



Tuck (Tom Hardy) – I really can’t imagine that this film would have been any better with Sam Worthington in his place, Sam’s a brilliant actor yes but he’s more of a serious actor and I can’t imagine him in a comedic role. Hardy on the other hand can play both serious and funny. The man is the person to watch in the future, recently I have become such a huge mark of his, can’t believe it’s been so long since I first encountered him in Star Trek Nemesis. He’s definitely risen to another level since then and can only continue on his way to the top!

FDR Foster (Chris Pine) – Another guy that’s on his way to the top of Hollywood, I first saw him in Smokin’ Aces but he wasn’t a guy you really focus on, it’s only since doing Star Trek where I think a lot of people have taken notice on what he can do, he certainly has the looks and the talent to make it big though I don’t really see him as a serious actor, I think he may be type cast as being the next big romcom actor. Which would be a shame, he just doesn’t have the face for seriousness. As proved by his Unstoppable offering two years ago.

Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) – I’ll be honest and say I haven’t watched a great deal of Witherspoon movies, mainly because I’m not a chick. But everytime I see her she just seems to get hotter. She’s mid-30s now and she looks absolutely gorgeous, I can definitely see the appeal. I remember seeing her in “Fear” with a young Mark Wahlberg when I was a kid, not the kind of film an 11 year old should be watching really, I can still picture that dogs head being pushed through the doggie door. But still, she did get poked on the rollercoaster… None of that this time I’m afraid, but she was more than adequate as the object of two mens attractions.

Heinrich (Til Schweiger) – I don’t mind telling you, I became very excited when I saw his face pop up as the main bad guy of the film. If you don’t know the name, you might have seen him in Inglorious Basterds as the legendary Stiglitz. Just seeing his face again makes me want to watch Inglorious again for the fifth time. The guy is a handsome beast and I don’t mind admitting that for a man of my calibre. He plays the bad guy well in this film and he would do, because all Germans have the ability to play bad guys. I just wish he’d star in more English speaking films, sure he’s big in Germany and has his own production company, but he should bring that over here. With his handsome face.

The supporting cast are barely even worth mentioning, not that there is many of them but the ones that are are a bunch of no-namers anyway.


Overall Rating; Looking at the critical reviews for this film I must say, this film performed quite badly and while I agree that it’s probably not the best film I’ve ever seen, it has my new favourite actor in Tom Hardy involved and the former Hugo Stiglitz so I don’t really care what other people say. I enjoyed this film thoroughly and at the end of the day, isn’t that what it’s all about? If I had one complaint it was that Schweiger didn’t receive enough screen time but the time he missed out on was filled by Hardy and Pine and the ever so sexy Witherspoon, so all was good in the end. If you like a romcom with a huge amount of action injected then see this film. 7.5/10


One Comment to “The Dark Globe – This Means War… In Review”

  1. Nice Review Ace “Pete

    I still haven’t done one, lol


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