I Blog, Therefore…I Am No Longer Talking To Myself

by Lorna's Voice

What? You want ME on your team? As a writer? Are you sure you have the write, oopsie, I mean, right number? Okay. If you’re sure. But, you know, I have other talents, too.

I’ve just been courtedsweet-talkedcoaxed…invited to join The Crew here at The Dark Globe. Well, that’s half-true, which isn’t exactly a lie, which I never do.  I offered to join as a humor writer and apparently they were pretty desperate for someone.  Apparently people around this blog are dropping like drunken flies, which should give me pause, but apparently doesn’t.  (Apparently, I overuse certain words when I’m trying to make a good first impression, which, apparently, isn’t the best strategy.)

Since I’m a mystery to a fewsomemany…most of you (but don’t feel bad, I’m still a mystery to people who have known me all their lives, like me), I thought I should post something to introduce myself.  And what better an introduction than to tell you the story about how I got into blogging?  I know. There are probably hundredscountlessseveral…at least three better introductions, but this is the one you’re getting, so try to be flexible, People.

*****

Rather than letting my fingers do the walking, I’’m letting my fingers do the talking. At some point, someone is bound to hear me.

 

As a prematurely retired college professor with health issues in my mid-50s and a failed marriage, I aspired to be something more than a cliche.  But what?  Teaching my dog (Scrappy) new tricks was fun and rewarding, but then he decided to go on strike.  I needed a new avocation and writing came to mind. My imagination was never good enough to write a coherent and plausible novel. But my life, which is neither coherent nor plausible, is zany enough to be interesting.

I began writing funny stories about my wacky life.  Soon I had notebooks and file folders on my computer that were impressive (by “impressive” I mean disorganized and as unruly as Don King’s hair).

Did trolls even come with brushes?

I needed a plan. My aspiration was to devise a formal activity that would challenge me, breathe life into my inner writing rascal, allow me to speak my mind to someone other than my reflection in the mirror, and give me the warm glow of feeling like I made a positive difference in the world (no matter how small) with my words. I also challenged myself to write shorter sentences.

The idea of blogging wasn’t mine. Someone came up with it before me, so I can’t take credit for it. Even before he wrote, Crafting the Personal Essay, Dinty Moore (yes, that’s his name) said that blogging was a popular way to get your ideas out to the world.  He didn’t mention that people had to actually read your blog to get your ideas out, but I figured that one out on my own.  Dinty suggested blogging—specifically on WordPress.com—to get my writing “out there.” Where exactly? I wasn’t sure. But since he wrote a book and I bought it, he was leaps ahead of me. I took his advice.

When I started blogging a little over a year ago, here’s what I knew:

  1. I had a lot to say and the few people who would listen (including Scrappy) were busy doing other insignificant things like earning a living or dealing with their own so-called “issues.”
  2. My funny memoir stories were stuck in neutral—an uncomfortable gear for a self-proclaimed anti-procrastinator.
  3. If I didn’t use my brain to learn new things, it would immediately shrivel into a petrified raisin and my driver’s license would be revoked in 30 years.

I knew nothing about blogs, not even what the word meant. I Googled “blog.”  I found it means “web log.” Okay. What does that mean?

I called my son, explaining my plan and hoping he could explain this “web log” mystery. He’s my go-to guy for all things “cyber…”

Yes, I needed my son’s help with blogging, but I like to keep limber in case the urge to perform in a musical overcomes me. Plus, I had some quarters I needed to use up.  Don’t judge me.

 

“Alex, I’m starting a blog!”

“Cool, Mom. What’s your blog about?”

“What do you think it should be about?”

“Mom, it’s your blog so you should decide.”

“That’s why I’m calling you. What do people blog about?”

“Mom, have you ever read a blog?”

“No. I read books.”

“Well, Mom, you might want to start by reading some blogs.”

“Okay. Let’s pretend I’ve read a few blogs. What advice would you give to me?”

Silence.

“Alex, are you there?”

“Yeah, Mom. I’m thinking. Okay. Three things:

  1. Keep it short.
  2. include interesting graphics.
  3. Make it either about something you’re an expert in or something you know nothing about.

Silence.

“Mom, are you still there.”

“Yeah, Alex, I’m just thinking. Thanks, love you!”

  1. Keep it short: three words dreaded by any sociologist.  I have a Ph.D. in sociology. Okay. That was short.
  2. Include interesting graphics: “interesting” is in the eye of the beholder, but who’s doing the beholding?
  3. Write about what I’m an expert in or what I’m an idiot in: that covers any topic I can think of.

The blog that emerged is Lorna’s Voice. Each page and post is “short” (by “short,” I mean “less than insufferably long”) and is a testament to hours of editing out superfluous words like “superfluous.” I spend nearly as much time nabbing “interesting” graphics from Google Images to accompany my posts as I do writing gratuitous text. A few pictures are mine—the unprofessional-looking ones.

My posts are all true, funny tales about my life (past and present) or observations I make as I notice zany crap going on around me. My goal: to show you that if I can view what life throws at me with a touch of humor, you can too. Or maybe you’ll just giggle at what you read. That’s good, too.

Go ahead. Let it out. It feels great. (It’s the same advice if you’re crying, but I hope you’re laughing!)

 

That’s why I blog. How about you?

Advertisements

17 Responses to “I Blog, Therefore…I Am No Longer Talking To Myself”

  1. The Good News is, People aren’t actually dropping like Flies around here… I just had a couple Contributors that haven’t been able to Post for a couple Months, so I thought I’d grab a few more Contributors

    And, Welcome to The Crew Lorna, Lol

    DJ-

    • Oh, DJ, I knew people weren’t dropping like drunken flies! I was just being my zany self. You have a great crew and I’m feeling quite honored to be a part of it, 🙂

      • Well if you did, it would probably be My Fault… On My Recruitment Post, I said we lost a Writer and Photographer… When in reality, I just had a couple Contributors that hadn’t been able to Post for a Couple Months, so I thought I’d go ahead and Grab a few more Contributors

        Bad Wording on my part, Lol I removed them from the Crew, but they’re both welcome back at any time, they were Great Contributors… I just keep the Site really up to date

        Thanks Lorna, Great Post

        DJ-

  2. nice one, I am still trying to get one together for my first one. But mulling over ideas not sure yet, Any way well done on this good one…

    • Thanks! I’m sure your first post will be great. Inspiration strikes at the oddest time–at least it does for me.

      I was getting my hair cut when this idea struck. It is really a “recycle and update” from something I did as a guest blog a LONG time ago (long in blog-years, that is). I thought it would be quick and easy, but it still ended up taking me several hours… 🙂

    • Do yourself a Favor and don’t put too much Pressure on yourself, Lorna is one of our Blogger of the Year Winners last year, and is just a Zany Blog Master.

      Be yourself Cobbie, anything you Post will be welcomed

      DJ-

    • Gerry, put your latest post in about your photos it was a good one.

  3. A great first post Lorna, your usual standerd 🙂

  4. Love, love, love! You can write on my pages any time you like, Lorna, you are always side splitting funny! Fun reading. xo

  5. Awesome post as always, Lorna 🙂 I missed this post earlier but I can’t imagine how I had. Looking forward to reading your hilarious zany observations and ponderins! Welcome to The Crew!

  6. Thanks, Devina! I’ll try not to disappoint… 😉

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: