Free Elections? What Do You Think We Are? Oxymorons?

by Lorna's Voice

Why wasn’t I born in Japan? That language must be easier to learn than English.

Over at Lorna’s Voice, I like to poke fun at the English language every once in while, and by “every once in a while,” I mean “pretty much always.”  What’s not to poke fun at: silent letters, plural rules that are confusing, verb tense rules that make you tense, conjunctivitis, homonyms, heteronyms, and the list goes on.

I started picking on oxymorons a while ago because I thought the word was funny, which make me both juvenile and clever–a tough, but manageable balancing act if you’re both dizzy and blonde like I am. If you’re interested in those posts, they are: That Was Awfully Good, I’m Better Than New! Just Kidding!, and I’m Clearly Confused. My plan was to work through the alphabet sharing my favorite oxymorons, but I needed to deal with all kinds of routine emergencies and, well, forgot about the series. Until now.

I was watching a debate for my state’s US Congressional seat. In response to the Democratic incumbent’s remarks about his own record, the Republican candidate said, “That’s exactly incorrect.” I thought to myself, “Moron.” But, then my chagrin at his response turned to delight. “What a great oxymoron!” I said aloud. And that’s what reminded me of my abandoned series.

I vehicuarly disagree with the Congressman. He’s exactly incorrect about his own record of voting or not voting or… Look at me. I’m awesome and I’m sitting on a rock. I have certain zingers I rehearsed and I need to get them in. Now ask me a question so I can zing him.

Since Election Day is this Tuesday, November 6 (if you hadn’t noticed), I am reviving my Oxymoron series and tailoring it for the election. I’ll start with the “D’s” because that’s where I left off.

Definite Maybe: You hear that a lot. That’s about as committed as most politicians, voters and pundits get, especially as we get closer to Election Day. It’s time to pick a side. Is it going to be “definite” or are you going with “maybe?” I guess it comes down to this: who do you want driving the train for the next four years? Mr. Definite or Mr. Maybe?

Deliberate Mistake: When it comes to voting, people are often “afraid” to make the “wrong” choice, thus sentence the nation to damnation for the next four years. Well, people, the only deliberate mistake you can make on Election Day is NOT voting. Whether you are afraid, bored, or feel like your one vote doesn’t matter, the people who DON’T vote are as responsible for the next four years as the people who DO vote. 

Disposable Income: I’ve heard about this one. Legends and myths speak of this elusive and beautiful creature as something I should have if only I worked harder and was wiser when I was younger, like when I was a toddler. These legends and myths also foretell of a time when this elusive and beautiful creature will return to my fold (or billfold) should the Job Creators release their flock of Disposable Incomes into the wild. And they (which may or may not include me) all lived happily ever after. The End.

Eschew Obfuscation: Huh? Oh. That’s when politicians answer the questions they wanted to answer, not the questions they were asked and we get frustrated and wish they wouldn’t do that. That’s it, right? If not. Look it up.

Federal Budget: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Sigh. Sniff. Sniff. Groan.

Free Elections: The projected cost of the combined 2012 Congressional and Presidential elections is nearly $6 BILLION. Admittedly, that’s a lot less than the national debt ($16 TRILLION and counting), but that’s definitely not free. Don’t let all that money go to waste. Go vote!

I’ll continue with this series, but it won’t be about politics. I like to stay away from contentious issues, so I’ll stick with religion and family values next time…Just kidding (or am I?)!

Don’t tell anyone, but this is really how I pulled a muscle in my left butt cheek. Some people just don’t appreciate me talking about Buddhism…

6 Comments to “Free Elections? What Do You Think We Are? Oxymorons?”

  1. Great fun! Great post!

    Happy Election day! Mine;s in the mail.

  2. just thinking how lucky I am that I cannot vote, or is it the other way, how lucky your country is… enjoy your writings,,;)

  3. That’s the odd thing. The people who can’t vote (people in other countries who are certainly affected by America’s policies and economy, non-citizens who are here, people under the age of 18, and prisoners) probably wish they could vote; many people who can vote, won’t. Humans are so complicated! 😉

  4. Nice to see you in black on white, Lorna, instead of white on black! And you’re right politics is filled with morons, oxy and otherwise.

    Still, it’s important to vote. Very. If you don’t vote, I will call you every day to remind you to come out to vote in 2014. And you don’t want that, do you?

  5. Well, I don’t get too many phone calls… 😉

    But You don’t have to worry about me. I’m one of those people telling people to go vote! 🙂

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