Disperser, Week Seven – All Quiet in the Writing Front

by disperser

The third installment of The Blood: Torin will go up in a moment.

Why the title of this post?  I got to admit; I was hoping for more interactive participation from the readers.  You know;

You suck!

or:

You call that writing?!?

or even the ole stand-by:

What did you do with the money?”

What money?

The money your parents gave you for writing classes!

That never gets tired, and you can substitute all sorts of things in place of “writing”.

But to get back on point . . . OK, I get it.  Everyone has busy lives.  And the holidays are coming up.  And no one really knows me from Adam (he was the first guy; nudist, apple eater, fig-leaf wearer  . . . I ain’t him).

Still, I was hoping for someone letting me know what they thought.  Believe me, I’m not looking for praise (but will not turn it down if offered).  No; I would like to know what they think of the fantasy elements in the story, this being the first fantasy effort on my part.

Now, I realize this is dangerous.  Someone can enjoy something without thinking about it much, but if asked, they can find all sorts of stuff to bitch about.  That’s about as helpful as not hearing anything at all.

So, let’s keep it simple:

And now, onto The Blood: Torin Part III.

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3 Responses to “Disperser, Week Seven – All Quiet in the Writing Front”

  1. So far you’ve got some really good fantasy elements going – and good drama with Torin’s part in his friend’s death and having to keep the Spirit part of him a secret. I’m still a little behind on my blogging and blog reading because of my vacation, but I’ll be able to give you more feedback after I’ve read your latest chapter.

    My only suggestion after reading the first two chapters is to present your history and information a little slower? Maybe spread it out a bit more? I’ve got a really clear picture of Torin’s world, and what he’s up against, but I don’t have as clear a picture of Torin yet. I think I could relate to him, but I need to get to know him a little better, if that makes sense? Show me Torin reacting to things happening around him, so I can see how he handles situations, and how he treats people. Is he cool with drawing from people’s lifeforce? Does he look at normal people as walking batteries, like the rest of The Blood appear to?

    For example, when you first introduced that The Blood draw from lifeforce you could show it rather than telling by giving Torin’s reaction. Instead of a lesson type format, I could get into Torin’s head better if you had something like Ledanai bring a scared citizen, or an unconscious old man/woman, into the room to draw from as she’s saying Torin is taking from the citizen’s life while focusing the crystal. That could open you up to showing Torin’s disgust in what he’s doing, or his indifference, or his decision to keep going because he wants to make sure both him and the citizen make it out of the room alive.

    Pausing in giving the information of your world to show Torin’s reaction to it, or thoughts about it, I think would strengthen both aspects of your story – plot and character. It would leave more for me to wonder about plot wise, as a hook, and give me more feeling for Torin. Fear that he may be discovered as part Spirit. Hope that he’ll be the one to change things.

    I hope that helps a little – although it’s just my opinion, and I’m no fantasy expert by any means. I’m enjoying your story so far, and I’m looking forward to reading more! 🙂

    • See?!? That’s what I’m talking about.

      You make all good points.

      The story suffers a bit from NOT having started out as part of a larger saga. And that discovery process you speak of? You and I are both discovering stuff at the same time.

      Well, I when I write it, and you when you read it. I think later chapters might do more to indicate the person Torin is (or will become).

      Still, when I write, part of what gets on the page is “me”. Be it male, female, animal, vegetable, my own perceptions and views of the world color what I write. I am given to understand when one gains mastery of the craft, one can write “the other”. I look forward to write about tigers, as written by a lion.

      The reactions, actions, and thought processes are not too alien from what I might imagine, even when I try and stretch. His lack of observable reaction, and somewhat analytical approach to life is where one might see my traits peeking through.

      On the other hand, there are hints. I think, were I The Blood, the Test I would ask him to pass would be to actually drain someone of life (a criminal, or politician. . . but I repeat myself). The thing with that is I could not see a way for Torin to pass that test, and if he did, it would have told something about him, but that something would not be good.

      I could not do it, and I did not want Torin to be able to do it.

      However . . . in a shorter version of the story (before it grew), something similar did happen, but it required Torin to expose his abilities (he drains Ledanai, guards, and makes his escape). The problem was that I could not figure out how he might learn what he needed to know. I toyed with the idea of him meeting someone who both knew everything, and was willing to share it, but that seemed a cliche’ of sorts.

      I worked out other ways to show who he is, and show the path to where he becomes . . . we’ll see if parts 3, 4, and 5 get the job done. I hope so.

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