No Wonder the Freshly Pressed Deities Haven’t Noticed Me Recently

by Lorna's Voice
No, I won't leave until I get a call from Word Press telling me that one of my posts has been Freshly Pressed. I don't care that I'm missing my Coming Out Party. This is an important call. Can't you tell? I had the operator put it through to the only telephone in the house that I haven't misplaced.

No, I won’t leave until I get a call from Word Press telling me that one of my posts has been Freshly Pressed. I don’t care that I’m missing my Coming Out Party. This is an important call. Can’t you tell? I had the operator put it through to the only telephone in the house that I haven’t misplaced.

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been Freshly Pressed lately. This troubles me because:

  • I work hard on my posts, making sure I don’t have any stupid errors like ths.
  • I’m as entertaining as a lot of those FP’ed bloggers. Everyone, except the people at WP who decide on stuff like who is going to be FP’ed, think so.
  • If there is even a slim chance that the Mayans were right, time is running out.

But I think I know why I’ve been overlooked by the Freshly Pressed Over Lords.

I’m not big or small enough. And I’m a semi-normal human.

Stay with me, People. I’ll explain.

Well, I'll try to explain...

Well, I’ll try to explain…

These days, to get in another exclusive club–the Guinness Book of World Records–apparently you have to be a really big or a really small non-human or the kind of  human that needs your meds adjusted.

Here’s some of 2012’s best new entries into the Guinness Book of World Records.

Zeus looks a bit thin to me. Maybe he needs a bigger doggie dish. Like a garbage can?

Zeus looks a bit thin to me. Since he’s the world’s biggest dog, maybe he needs a bigger doggie dish. Like a garbage can? Imagine the popper-scooper…

Okay, guys. I get it. Size matters to you. But, really? Worlds largest biceps. I bet you also have the record for limited wardrobe.

Okay, guys. I get it. Size matters to you. But, really? Worlds largest biceps. I bet you also have the record for most limited wardrobe and least dates.

Big Jake is the tallest horse. Those aren't little kids pictured there. They are big strapping Amish lads. These young men lift bales of hay with their own two hands.

Big Jake is the world’s tallest horse. Those aren’t little kids pictured there. They are big strapping Amish lads. Since they aren’t used to being photographed, they are shy and kind of shrank away from the photographer. If you were afraid of cameras, you would understand.

Um. Ouch.  And I'm talking about maybe kissing that guy.

Most piercings on face. Um. Ouch. And I’m talking about maybe kissing that guy. Never mind. I bet he’s running neck and neck with Bicep Guy with world’s fewest dates.

This is Archie, the world's smallest bull. I'm not buying it, though. There's no such thing as just a little bull...

This is Archie, the world’s smallest bull. I’m not buying it, though. There’s no such thing as just a little bull…

Some how Darlene gets famous for having the biggest collection of shoes rather than being one of those crazy people on an episode of Hoarders. I just don't get it.

Some how Darlene gets famous for having the world”s biggest collection of shoes rather than being one of those crazy people on an episode of Hoarders. I just don’t get it. All those shoes and nowhere to go…

Dan here is holding the world's largest commercially sold hot dog. Where is the world's largest bottle of Pepto-bismol?

Dan is holding the world’s largest commercially sold hot dog. I have lots of questions for Dan, but the one that springs to mind first is: Where is the world’s largest bottle of Pepto-bismol? Again, I figure Dan isn’t too busy in the dating department…

With animals and people (who clearly need help) garnering all this attention, is it any wonder that a humble blogger like me would go unnoticed on Word Press? No. But for some reason knowing that owning a freakishly large or small animal or doing something insane to your body gets you noticed in this world makes me happy to remain anonymous. It used to be that accomplishing a magnificent physical feat or having an amazing talent got you recognized. Now it’s just bizarre shizzle.

I’ll just stick to what I do best–or at least well enough–and be happy that a few fellow bloggers say they like what I write. That’s enough recognition for me. That has to be enough. The WP Over Lords are busy Freshly Pressing other bloggers. Maybe even they’ll be picking you! I hope so.

Who me? Yeah, you!

Who me? Yeah, you!

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15 Responses to “No Wonder the Freshly Pressed Deities Haven’t Noticed Me Recently”

  1. You definitely should be freshly pressed!

  2. Great post; thanks for sharing bizarre shizzle that i would never have known were freshly pressed, and i agree – sometimes people go for the shock appeal.

  3. Interesting . . . I must be one of the few bloggers who do not want to be Freshly Pressed. Who knows . . . perhaps I’m the only one.

    I even have a FP Ward.

    • Before I left for vacation, I saw a number of posts from bloggers about not being Freshly Pressed. They were cute but I didn’t give it much thought. Then I happened across a site that showed the top picks for the Guinness Book of World Records for 2012 and was amazed how silly they were. My synapses clicked and this post was formed. It’s all so random and the search for recognition is so fleeting.

      I was Freshly Pressed the day I launched my blog. I was so new to blogging that I had no idea what it meant. I thought it was a nice thing the World Press people did to welcome newbies! While I’m grateful that it really helped me launch my blog, I don’t seek the honor again. I just try to write entertaining posts.

  4. Hi there–I have no idea how the wonderful men and women at WordPress decide who to Freshly Press…I know that I was surprised the end of October to find that one of my posts was chosen again (I didn’t even think it was one of my best ones but it did elicit a lot of comments/responses after it made the FP ranks), so unfortunately I’m not able to help you with this conundrum, but I can tell you that I always THOROUGHLY enjoy your posts and read each one faithfully, even if I don’t add a comment…Just keep doing what you do and let everyone enjoy your insightful, hilarious words and the world will unfold at your feet in due time. (Hey–I should make that into a bumper sticker and market it, right?)

    • Aw, thanks so much, Sylvia.

      I, too, was Freshly Pressed once, when I was brand new to blogging. The timing was perfect because it helped launch my blog in a way I never thought possible. I really don’t care if it never happens again. I was just amazed at how random the FP picks seem to be–just like the Guinness Book of World Record holders seems to be. That’s what made me write this post. 🙂

  5. Freshly Pressed reminds me of the judges that used to give out awards at art shows. It is all subjective. Soemtimes, it can be awarded as a favor for a fellow blogger or artist friend. Shocking … ???? Don’t let anyone tell ou otherwise. I have bee a judge at award art shows and been told who to give the award to. I used to get upset when I didn’t get awards at art shows. Oh, I did get them. But, I found that fellow artists were envious. No one wished you well with sincerity. They were stand-offish when I did get one …. and …. it made no difference in my sales. In fact, quite the contrary. People were so in awe of the artist they assumed the prices would be beyond their affordability. My lesson in marketing. I learned real quick to show my prices. SSSoooo …. I post for fun. I post for the blogger who like to read my posts. I blog for me. After all, when one thinks outside the box it can come across as tooooo out there … AND … that’s just what I want to be. Mainstream is not for me … nor for you my dear Sista … keep on rockin’ on what you’re rockin’ … mi amiga.

    • I agree, Izzy. I happened to see the 2012 Guinness Book of World Record winners and thought how random those seemed. That got me thinking about the Freshly Pressed honor. That’s how the post developed. I really just post for pleasure not glory!

  6. Hei there once again. I just nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Merry Christmas Xx Scarlett

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