No, I won’t leave until I get a call from Word Press telling me that one of my posts has been Freshly Pressed. I don’t care that I’m missing my Coming Out Party. This is an important call. Can’t you tell? I had the operator put it through to the only telephone in the house that I haven’t misplaced.
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been Freshly Pressed lately. This troubles me because:
- I work hard on my posts, making sure I don’t have any stupid errors like ths.
- I’m as entertaining as a lot of those FP’ed bloggers. Everyone, except the people at WP who decide on stuff like who is going to be FP’ed, think so.
- If there is even a slim chance that the Mayans were right, time is running out.
But I think I know why I’ve been overlooked by the Freshly Pressed Over Lords.
I’m not big or small enough. And I’m a semi-normal human.
Stay with me, People. I’ll explain.
Well, I’ll try to explain…
These days, to get in another exclusive club–the Guinness Book of World Records–apparently you have to be a really big or a really small non-human or the kind of human that needs your meds adjusted.
Here’s some of 2012’s best new entries into the Guinness Book of World Records.
Zeus looks a bit thin to me. Since he’s the world’s biggest dog, maybe he needs a bigger doggie dish. Like a garbage can? Imagine the popper-scooper…
Okay, guys. I get it. Size matters to you. But, really? Worlds largest biceps. I bet you also have the record for most limited wardrobe and least dates.
Big Jake is the world’s tallest horse. Those aren’t little kids pictured there. They are big strapping Amish lads. Since they aren’t used to being photographed, they are shy and kind of shrank away from the photographer. If you were afraid of cameras, you would understand.
Most piercings on face. Um. Ouch. And I’m talking about maybe kissing that guy. Never mind. I bet he’s running neck and neck with Bicep Guy with world’s fewest dates.
This is Archie, the world’s smallest bull. I’m not buying it, though. There’s no such thing as just a little bull…
Some how Darlene gets famous for having the world”s biggest collection of shoes rather than being one of those crazy people on an episode of Hoarders. I just don’t get it. All those shoes and nowhere to go…
Dan is holding the world’s largest commercially sold hot dog. I have lots of questions for Dan, but the one that springs to mind first is: Where is the world’s largest bottle of Pepto-bismol? Again, I figure Dan isn’t too busy in the dating department…
With animals and people (who clearly need help) garnering all this attention, is it any wonder that a humble blogger like me would go unnoticed on Word Press? No. But for some reason knowing that owning a freakishly large or small animal or doing something insane to your body gets you noticed in this world makes me happy to remain anonymous. It used to be that accomplishing a magnificent physical feat or having an amazing talent got you recognized. Now it’s just bizarre shizzle.
I’ll just stick to what I do best–or at least well enough–and be happy that a few fellow bloggers say they like what I write. That’s enough recognition for me. That has to be enough. The WP Over Lords are busy Freshly Pressing other bloggers. Maybe even they’ll be picking you! I hope so.
Who me? Yeah, you!
Legendary Post 