Only Smarter People than I Could Make this Stuff Up, Part 1

by Lorna's Voice
He looks smart enough to make a law that will endure the test of time, right? It's the wig, right?

He looks smart enough to make a law that will endure the test of time, right? It’s the wig, right?

Legislators often set up laws to either begin or expire on January 1. I realized this because of all the talk about our American economy taking a nose-dive because a tax-relief policy was set to expire on January 1, 2013. See how smart I can be when I want to be?

Well, all this got me thinking. Oh, not about taxes and the personal, national, or international implications of what our government will or won’t do–that would be like zipping up my crazy pants and going over to the Screw Loose Caboose to chat with some freaky-deaks about what the voices in their heads are telling them. No. I had a better idea than trying to figure out future social policy. I decided to look at what law-makers in the past thought were good ideas.

Sometimes "Duh!" just doesn't do it.

Sometimes “Duh!” just doesn’t do it.

Apparently, some of these ideas are so good, that they are still around. Being a good, law-abiding citizen or someone who is continually amazed at the insanity that we call “government,” I just thought you’d like to know about what I discovered.

These laws vary state by state and there are a lot of them–laws and states. So I’m going to do a series.

I’m starting with New York State because that’s where I live and I needed to know if I was doing illicit activities. Ignorance of the law is not a good defense; but is an ignorant law a good defense? Think about it…

Yeah. That's deep. We gotta think about that one for a while. And just to be clear, we are on a private island where serving alcohol to majorly minor minors is cool, Man.

Yeah. That’s deep. We gotta think about that one for a while. And just to be clear, we are on a private island where serving alcohol to majorly minor minors is cool, Man.

In New York State…

It is illegal to congregate in public with two or more people while each wearing a mask or any face covering which disguises your identity. Is it any wonder the flu is spreading like a freaking virus around here? And what about all those skiers on Whiteface Mountain. During the Olympics?

Busted!

Busted!

Adultery is still a crime. Holy Scandal, Batman! Either we need more prisons or there won’t be any community service jobs for high school students and church groups.

Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business. Why isn’t this on all the PR campaigns for New York State and all the wonderful sights you’ll see?

Means so much to you now, huh?

Means so much to you now, huh?

It is illegal for women to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing.” I’m confused. Women can go topless, but can’t wear a tight top. Maybe the medical community in NYS is concerned about women’s ability to breathe full, deep breaths. Yes, that’s it.

Okay, I can see why this would be against the law. It's criminal what is happening to these buttons.

Okay, I can see why this would be against the law. It’s criminal what is happening to these buttons.

Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers.” Great. That puts an end to my fancy and friendly greeting ritual. Oh, wait, we just can’t greet other people that way. Whew! I’m still good.

A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. Shizzle. There goes my savings account.

That will be another $25.00 please. Your total is now $7975.00. And it's only the end of Season 2. (Ignore the fact that Star Trek was did not take place in NYS...that we know of).

That will be another $25.00 please. Your total is now $7975.00. And it’s only the end of Season 2. (Ignore the fact that Star Trek did not take place in NYS…that we know of).

It’s against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. You can, apparently, legally wing a ball at someone’s head and be serious about it.

The penalty for jumping off a building is death. So if you’re going to jump, don’t pick a trailer or a tool shed.

Guys, you're setting yourselves up for the death penalty. The jump (or slip) won't kill you, especially with all that padding.

Guys, you’re setting yourselves up for the death penalty. The jump (or slip) won’t kill you, especially with all that padding.

Next Sunday, I’ll have more crazy laws still on the books. Tell me where you are from and I’ll pick those states first!

What state is next? It's up to you! Whichever state it is, you know that we will all be in a state of befuddlement after this is all over.

What state is next? It’s up to you! Whichever state it is, you know that we will all be in a state of befuddlement after this is all over.

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11 Responses to “Only Smarter People than I Could Make this Stuff Up, Part 1”

  1. What about the UK, England, Lorna, I know there are few stupid ones here that might be of interest for you.. 😉

  2. lmao You come up with some of the funniest ironies ever. Ah well, Mordecai Richler once said we are irony deficient. Thank goodness you are so abundant in irony, you can share so much, thanks for the giggles, Lorna xo

  3. . . . and yet, we keep on re-electing the idio . . . fine people who think these up, vet them, and still pass them.

    Colorado here, if you want to go at it.

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