The Fall of Angels – Chapters 4, 5, and 6

by disperser

The first three chapters can be read HERE.  Normally, I would do a recap of what was written in those chapters.  But, because of the feedback I received, I will, instead, present a synopsis of the plot so far.

At the creation of things and men, the Angels saw (and took) the opportunity to make a power play, and cast Demons as the bad guys (tricking humans into naming The First, a demon, as disobeying HE That Was (God’s) edict about staying away from The Garden and Humans).  

Demons and humans were both exiled.  Demons were cursed to only feed on the (souls, entities, memories, etc) of corrupt men, making it seem as if demons corrupted men to feed on them.  In actuality, it was the stories weaved by Angels which corrupt men.  They do so by using guilt induced by religious beliefs.  Angels were too successful with that; religion partially corrupts the pious as well.  The feeding itself, for both Angels and Demons, is not to much stealing, but as absorbing people’s memories/thoughts/emotions.

There are unbelievers, and their unbelief removes them as candidates for feeding.  The Angels are waging war on the unbelievers, both by direct and indirect action.  The man who is Shadow (named after he became so) is an unbeliever who lost his family to an Angel.  The First is summoned to the unbeliever as the man grieves the loss of his wife and kids.  The man’s anger feeds the energy/power to such a level the First sees an opportunity to perhaps have a powerful ally to challenge the Angels.

Note: I had started the story with impersonal pronouns (thinking myself clever).  Gods, angels, and demons might not be humans, but there is no substitute for saying “he” when referring to an entity; “it” becomes confusing.  Too confusing for this less-than-clever writer.  Yes, I went back and changed the original.

The Fall of Angels (Chapters 4-6)

By E. J. D’Alise (Disperser)
Copyright December 2012, January 2013

Chapter Four – Shadow

“Take me.” The man did not look away as he offered himself once more.  The First almost reached out . . . but stopped.  “Who are you?” He asked, instead.

The man paused.  He looked at the three urns.  When the man spoke, it was but a whisper, but The First felt a resurgence of the power channeling from the man.  The distraction almost made him miss what the man said.

“I am an ordinary man.  I have nothing to offer . . . all that I had, was taken from me.”

The First controlled the urge to tap into the power, to use its raw force, and assure his existence for centuries to come.  Perhaps to even mount a challenge to the Angels.  A thought began to form.  

He knew the story of The Christ.  No, not the written story.  The Christ had appeared at the same time of the disappearance of the archangel Iesous.  The First suspected HE had shared a measure HIS power with Iesous.  Not the Son of God, as humans referred to him, but a progeny.  

The First had encountered The Christ once.  A battle had been fought in the desert, and while it had been close, The Christ had been too powerful . . . but not as powerful as what emanated from this ordinary man.

“Would you like to put a stop to it?”  The First shrank his figure, smoke flowing from him, spilling to cover the floor, rising to the height of the man’s knees, and lapping higher as if wanting to climb.

“What?”  The man looked at The First, as if seeing him for the first time.

“Would you like to keep it from happening to others?”  The First moved as he spoke, circling to the other side of the man.  

The man’s eyes followed him.  The First could literally feel the calculating brain behind them.  He knew of Sentient Swords who could not match the fierceness and sharpness he sensed.  This man might even be able to bring them back from whence they had retreated.  One in particular, he thought would be a perfect match.  Sable Slayer would serve this man well.   

The moment dragged.  At last, The First felt the raw power of the the man focus; a decision had been made, and The First knew what it was even before the man spoke the words “What do I need to do?”

Chapter Five – Transcendence

The First returned to the chosen now.  Shadow was silent and still, and The First knew he was elsewhere in time and space.  He watched as Shadow grew so dark as to absorb all light.  By contrast, his own darkness seemed a pale luminescence.  He reached out . . . and quickly drew back.  

Again he wondered what he had spawned, and thought back.

~ ~ ~ ~

“What do I need to do?”

The smoke was already rising, covering the human form as it rose.  The man stood still, even as it reached his eyes, and finally covered him from head to toe.

The flesh is but a prison.  Your mind is but a scabbard.  Say the word, and I shall free and unsheathe you.

Go for it.

The First expected the man to scream.  He could not be sure of what it might feel like, but this was literally a rendering of the man’s energy, every bit of the forces that bound his mortal shell in a solid form released and captured by the smoke that surrounded it.  All that, and one more thing.  Extracting the mind from the finite mechanics of the brain, and freeing it into time and space.  

The First had never done this.  He knew it could be done because his own being had been so freed, and he also knew a part of him would have to guide the man through the journey.  That part of him would not return.

The man’s mind would take it, use it as fuel, and shape itself into something new.  What, The First did not know.

The man did not scream, but The First nearly did.  The intensity of the power ripped from him more than he had intended to give, and he saw, for the briefest of moments, a vague outline form . . . no more than a shadow.  Just before dissipating, the shadow absorbed all light.  For the first time in his long life, The First understood nothingness; the absence of everything.  Then he once again stood, shaken, in an empty room.  Alone.

Chapter Six – Focus

And then he felt it.  Zeus, in his time, would similarly announce his approach, but this was multiple times more . . . intense.  

Everything stilled, the very air molecules unmoving, waiting.  Waiting for release.  In that stillness, it was easy to see.  No.  It was easy not to see; an infinitely small absence of everything, more an awareness of it, than actual perception.  Then a dot.  A dot that slowly grew as The First watched.  

The First could not tell where the dot ended, and the world began.  Even as it grew, he could not really see it, or its boundaries.  It was more as if a portion of reality was absent.  And then Shadow stood in front of him.  He did not yet look like Shadow.  Looking very much like the ordinary man of a short time before, the sight belied what The First knew was there.  Something powerful.  Something new.  

“Tell me of the things that are, of time of space, of what you know of the enemy.”  The man grew into Shadow as he spoke.  The First thought that if darkness could shine, it would look thus.

~ ~ ~

“I am called elsewhere.”  

Shadow’s words brought The First back to the chosen now.  

“Trouble?” he asked.

“It’s Michael.  I must see to my men.”  Even as he spoke, Shadow’s form began to dissolve, and was gone.

~ To Be Continued ~

Advertisements

9 Responses to “The Fall of Angels – Chapters 4, 5, and 6”

  1. I like the pace here – it’s steadily moving forward, and I’m thinking of Shadow as a great anti-hero possibly? You’re also introducing information at a good pace. 🙂

    ~ Chapter Four: At first I was wondering why you never named The Man, but now I think I prefer it that way. Now I think of him as Shadow. I think it adds something to his character, because it’s like his name, and the person he was, died with his family. At this point I’m really wondering what this power is that you’ve mentioned. In an earlier chapter, you mentioned it as something special about humans. And then again here, as something special in this man, even more than in others.

    ~ Chapter Five: One suggestion I have here, and this is just me – it will read differently for others – is to be careful with your timeline transitions. I like that you’re giving a flashback to show how Shadow became what he is, but I would say maybe try and keep it as one flashback? Each time you go back, it changes the flow of the story. This could just be a me thing, so please take it with a grain of salt, but you could even combine a couple smaller chapters that contain the flashback scenes so that it feels smoother? Or maybe just move around a couple paragraphs to get the same effect? This only distracted me a little though – not nearly enough to draw me away from wanting to read more. 🙂

    ~ Chapter Six: I like the descriptions you use – you’re very good at painting a mental picture, getting me to imagine what something would feel like, such as Shadow’s presence. 🙂

    • WHAT!?!?! MORE CRITICISM!?!?!

      Just kidding. I’m at work, and will have to respond later. One thing I will mention, because I was asked by one other person (e-mail, not here), is with regards to why this man, and what is special about him . . .

      I am cheating a bit because there’s nothing “special” about the guy aside from this explanation I gave to the other person:

      ~~

      As to why this man, why so powerful, you’d have to believe that losing a wife and two kids would give rise to such intense anger/emotion, assuming all grief, all sadness, the injustice of it, all can be channeled (willingly or not) into raw power. At first unruly and wild, eventually focused and purposeful.

      ~~

      That’s the answer I gave the other guy, and you might wonder why this guy would be any more stricken with grief/loss than any other . . . good question! Very astute of you . . . damn it!

      . . . In part it’s due to the fact people have a wide range of how they feel emotions, but the truth of it is that all I have to do is think about losing my wife, and there are no words, no measure, no frame of reference I can use to “explain” the magnitude of it. Add the fact that in the story he “sees” what happens, and now you add the magnification power of anger.

      As for the other points . . . that will have to wait until later this evening.

      • I really like that idea. I believe emotions are powerful – and the stronger the emotion, the stronger the power. A small example, but kind of the same idea – I know a person who can effect an entire room depending on their moods, lol. If this person’s having a bad day, EVERYBODY knows it. It’s like walking into a wall or getting ice water thrown on you. Like – *BOOM!* Physical incarnation of misery. On a much, *MUCH* grander scale – losing a spouse and children… if that kind of unimaginable pain, and the consuming desire for vengeance, could be harnessed into energy of some sort… It would be a frightening thing.

        And I can see those same emotions that make Shadow so powerful giving him relentless determination. I’m looking forward to seeing how he goes about getting justice. Very, very cool. 🙂

        • There’s a couple of other things that play in there. There are people in history who accomplish a whole lot relative to the population at large. It’s not an exaggeration to say many turning points in history hinged on the actions, or willingness to take action, of a few individuals. Sure, the accomplishments themselves are a result of the collective working to a common goal, but there is no escaping the role of leaders, people who inspire, people who are passionate and dedicated to a goal.

          The other thing is that in addition to his raw emotions, he Shadow has a part of The first in him now. He is, in effect, part demon.

          Now . . . as for the other things . . .

          The name thing had to eventually go . . . I would have liked to have left his name out, but when he recruits people, it would make sense he would recruit some from the people he knows, and hence would know him.

          As for the time-skipping thing . . . yeah . . . got to agree with that. I’m trying to weave a fine path where things get explained when needed, but I am somewhat tied down to the opening chapter . . . which was never meant to me anything more than a flash fiction piece.

          The problem is that we joined the story when stuff was already in motion . . . the only way I have to explain it is through flashbacks. Or, I scrap the whole thing and re-write it.

          Given that to the best of my estimate the number of readers between my site and here probably does not break the 20-mark, I’m comfortable continuing in this manner. It’s also good practice for me to tackle something more difficult than straight narrative.

          As for the mental picture bit . . . you’re not still on that flying horses bit, are you?

          • Lmao – I passed the flying horses on to my husband. *mwa-ha-ha-ha!* Now it’s burned into his memory for all eternity! 🙂

            And that’s very true. It does take something special to be the one to make a stand, especially to take the lead, and history has proven that. 🙂 I’m looking forward to seeing what Shadow decides to do throughout his story. I have a feeling at some point it may be at odds with The First.

            Also, that’s interesting – I knew taking part of The First was part of the ritual, but I had thought becoming Shadow was what made him part demon. When I think about it though, it does make sense. By becoming Shadow he gained the ability to manifest his emotions into tangible power? If that’s the case, that gives him 3 separate ways that he’s “special” – 1) determination that sets him apart as the type of man who is the one to take action 2) he embraced Shadow, releasing his innate power 3) he absorbed part of The First during the ritual, making him part demon. For now, those three things work well together in pushing him towards his goal of getting justice. Eventually, however, this may open him up to some internal conflict, especially if The First turns out to have some dark ulterior motives. Which I think he might, since he keeps weighing his war against the angels against his hunger for Shadow’s power/lifeforce.

            Very, very cool. 🙂 Lol, so don’t scrap and re-write. The timeline transitions can be easily smoothed out, I think, and I like that the story isn’t completely linear. I feel like it fits Shadow well.

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: