When One Door Closes, Another Nose Gets Smooshed…or something like that

by Lorna's Voice
You see, the door was closing fast, but I thought I could make it. Clearly, I was wrong. I don't misjudge things often, but when I do, I really, really do.

You see, the door was closing fast, but I thought I could make it. Clearly, I was wrong. I don’t misjudge things often, but when I do, I really, really do.

It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon or a brain scientist (I’m neither, if you hadn’t guessed) to figure out that my series about zany laws in the U.S. was a big flop around here. Hey, it happens. For some reason a blog like Legends Undying that focuses on writing and draws a crowd of followers that likes to read what this imaginative crew is brewing up in terms of literary genius just wasn’t interested in a Law and Order-meets-Jackass kind of a series.  Go figure!

The hallmarks of a good blogger are, in my opinion (and since I’m writing this, I guess my opinion matters because I sure as heck didn’t do any research for this post) are:

  1. knowing your audience
  2. knowing when your audience is disgusted with you
  3. being willing to change post-plans in mid-stream to please your disgusted audience
  4. not taking the disgustilation personally

So how do you (and by “you” I mean “me”) effectively manage all four things so that you (wink, wink, “I”) can call yourself (myself) a “good” blogger.

Yes, Miss Lorna. We're listening. We want to be the very best bloggers and writers on the planet. No the universe. You just tell us how and we'll do everything you say because we trust you for some reason.

Yes, Miss Lorna. We’re listening. We want to be the very best bloggers and writers on the planet. No the universe. You just tell us how and we’ll do everything you say because we trust you for some reason.

Knowing your Audience: Well, it helps if you have an audience. If you have an audience, you’re on your way! Then you actually have to read the things they post so you know what they are into. Yes, I know what you are thinking. “How can I still find time to write my own incredible stuff and carry on my life and read other people’s’ posts?” And that was the good news. Here’s the bad news. You have to figure that out plus, you have to comment so you establish what’s called a rapport with your audience. Hey, don’t give me that look. I didn’t say these were tips for being a relaxed blogger…

Great. I'm a writer, not a shmoozer. Do I look as if I enjoy talking to other people even if "talking" is communicating by typing?

Great. I’m a writer, not a schmoozer. Do I look as if I enjoy talking to other people even if “talking” is communicating by typing?

Knowing when your audience is disgusted with you: If you are really lucky, you’ll feel the disgust like you feel when you are walking into a vacuum-sealed room. I’m sure you’ve all done that at least once in your lives. No? Well, how about that feeling when you walk into a room and everyone shuts up and just stares at you until you leave? Is that something you can identify with? That’s if you’re lucky. Then again, you may get a blogger who feels as if blunt, harsh, profanity-laden honesty is the only policy and then you’ll know for sure that your post was a big misfire.

Do not give this kid a computer and a WP account. Please!

Do not give this kid a computer and a WP account. Please!

Being willing to change post-plans in mid-stream to please your disgusted audience: This is very difficult for some bloggers because they get as attached to their post ideas as they are to their kidneys. It’s possible to give one up, but only in dire emergencies. Flexibility is the key here, People. Just think of it this way. It’s not that your post idea was bad, it was just an idea that was served before (or after) its time or in the wrong venue. Save it and trot it out some other time, or tell yourself that you will if that makes you feel better. Just let it go, for pity’s sake because it’s ruining your reputation and in this Bloggy World, your reputation is all you’ve got. Get it?

This Tour Guide Business closed shortly after the Elephant Amour Encounter, an unscheduled adventure for these tourists who anticipated a different kind of sight-seeing experience. Reputation. It's all you have.

The Elephant Ride Tourism Company closed shortly after this Elephant Amour Encounter, an unscheduled adventure for these tourists who anticipated a different kind of sight-seeing experience. Reputation. It’s all you have.

Not taking the disgustilation personally: This is another hard one for some  many most bloggers. Oh, who am I kidding? We writers are all sensitive critters, even if we put on an I-don’t-give-a-rat’s-patoot-about-what-others-think-about-my-work-I-write-what-I-write-for-me attitude. We give a rat’s patoot. As much as a rat cares about her/his patoot. Which you’d think would be at least a lot. But enough about rats and patoots. Let’s try to put our egos aside (yeah, right) and learn from our blog post miscalculations (or as I sometimes like to call them, the unfortunate instances where other people just don’t appreciate my efforts). After all, without readers, our careers as writers would be less impressive to discuss at funerals and family gatherings.

What's that you say, dear? You're a writer. Well how nice for you. What have you written? Blogs? Oh, how nice for you. Who reads these bloggy things you write, dear? No one? Oh, how nice for you. And how do you like still living at home?

What’s that you say, dear? You’re a writer. Well how nice for you. What have you written? Blogs? Oh, how nice for you. Who reads these bloggy things you write, dear? No one? Oh, how nice for you. And how do you like still living at home?

So, I decided to nix my series on quirky laws because you just don’t seem to care. Thank you for not cussing at me.

I’ll come up with something more literal, uh, literary, for next week. I can’t wait. Bet you can’t either!

You're not the only one who'll be surprised.

You’re not the only one who’ll be surprised.

 

Advertisements

16 Responses to “When One Door Closes, Another Nose Gets Smooshed…or something like that”

  1. Well written, organized and helpful!

  2. “Knowing when your audience is disgusted with you:” come on Lorna I do not believe this has ever happened to you…

    • You should have seen the “limp” reaction to my second installment in my series of stupid but real laws in the U.S. The silence was deafening around here. I took that to mean no one was interested–and in my world of having to be loved all the time, that equals “disgusted with me.” You’ll understand that a lot more when you read my book. Philip (my man) says it’s like an instruction manual for understanding me! Hey! Maybe that’s my next promotional pitch… 😉

  3. Lorna, you can always be relied upon.. For the right reasons. Don’t dismiss that last sentiment. An awful lot of people make me laugh for wrong reasons and if they knew they’d weep. And rightly so. Which is why I always carry some spare hankies.

    Since I am not a writer writer blogger not a lot of your above assertions apply. I might have those horns right underneath my behind but, by golly, give me war path and I will tread it. But then I do not have a reputation to uphold, neither is this lady for turning mid post or comment.

    U

    • Thanks for hopping (or dropping) over here to read up on my side gig.

      Don’t underestimate yourself, U. You are a writer writer blogger, but you are just more like that brooding, terse, obtuse, amusing-once-you-figure-her-out kind. I can’t think of any famous writers exactly like that, because they probably are the kind that write only for themselves and really don’t give a rat’s patoot about what others think (and are self-sequestered), thus they are not published but very content. I kind of envy them, and by “them” I mean “you.” I’m always getting my pronouns confused… 😉

  4. I would echo what you say if only I could write like this Lorna. Nice one..;)

    • Gerry, that’s the beauty of the echo, just let it spread and enjoy the vibes! 🙂 And you CAN write. Maybe not exactly in this zany way, but in an altogether lovely way. The world needs all kinds of writers and all kinds of writing styles.

      And here’s a secret just between you and me: I’m not at all funny in person. I guess that means I’m only a two-dimensionally funny person. Now that’s odd, don’t you think? Hey, I might have my idea for my next blog…

  5. Haha, well done. ‘Disgustilation’ will show up in next year’s OED, I think.

    • Oh dear, I hope not. But wait! Then I would be sort of famous… Should I copyright this post and send the word in now? Do I have to start a campaign to make it popular for it to be considered a legitimate word that should never be part of the lexicon but is included because that’s just part of the devoltion of our precious language? So many questions from your simple yet profound comment.

      Do you see what you’ve started? Or maybe this is just a glimpse into how my brain works…;)

  6. I seem to have gotten lost looking for a new direction. Thanks for point the way for me.

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: