Archive for March, 2013

March 31, 2013

An Embarrassing Easter Story. Why Not?

by Lorna's Voice
Yup, I know how you feel Eunice. Someone in the family tells you to bring "dessert" to the family dinner but half of them are vegan-glutton-free-no-sugar freaks and the the other half think donuts are the healthy alternative to Pop-Tarts. Phoning a friend isn't going to help. Phoning a travel agent might, though...

Yup, I know how you feel Eunice. Someone in the family tells you to bring “dessert” to the family dinner but half of them are vegan-glutton-free-no-sugar freaks and the other half think donuts are the healthy alternative to Pop-Tarts. Phoning a friend isn’t going to help. Phoning a travel agent might, though…

Holidays of any kind–religious or secular–are simply not my thing. Too much fuss for my Highly Sensitive Person self and enough disturbing memories to just want to stay home alone and do something productive like blog or watch reruns of Mr. Ed, who was a very wise horse, indeed.

I always think glasses make a person look smart, don't you? Same goes for horses in my book...

I always think glasses make a person look smart, don’t you? Same goes for horses in my book…

Just to convince you that I’m not making this stuff up (at least the disturbing memories part), here’s a snippet from my memoir. This actually happened to me when I was about 11 or 12 on Good Friday, before Easter.

I'm in the middle. Also, this picture was taken when we were all a bit younger than when the following story took place, but you can see that we took our Easter Bonnet church duties quite seriously back then.

I’m in the middle. Also, this picture was taken when we were all a bit younger than when the following story took place, but you can see that we took our Easter Bonnet church duties quite seriously back then.

***

During the tortuous Catholic celebration leading up to Easter, I attended the interminable Stations of the Cross. This very solemn ritual was held on Friday of Holy Week. It was called Holy Week because Good Friday lasted about a week. If that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is. On the Good Friday in question, instead of feeling pious or sad for Jesus for having to carry his own cross, I felt the need to go to the bathroom. I’d had an egg salad sandwich for lunch before going to church. There should be a rule against egg salad before church. Slipping out of the pew to find a bathroom never crossed my mind. Did churches even have bathrooms? It seemed unholy to pee or poop in church.

I felt rumbling in my belly, then lower. Squirming to prevent an explosion only got me looks of disapproval from Mémé [my grandmother] and Mom. Soon Pépé [my step-grandfather]  and my sisters were taking an interest in the developments. Holding in the amassing gas was agonizing, but letting it out was inconceivable. I’d rather be taken out on a stretcher with a burst intestine than fart in church.

But of course physiology won out over dignity, and out came a long, loud, send-me-to-Hell-for-sure fart. During a moment of silent prayer. Any physical relief I felt was overshadowed by my unspeakable embarrassment and the foul odor that was surging up like a tiny mushroom cloud. There was no hiding who’d done it. I blushed a divine shade of cardinal red from scalp to sole; Judgment Day was upon me, and it wasn’t looking (or smelling) very good. While everyone else in the church did their best to overlook my noxious, broken-muffler, butt noise, my family felt obliged to react.

“Lorna!” Mom and Mémé whispered in unified mortification.

“Lorna!” Pépé and my sisters whispered in wonder and with a touch of respect.

To seal my wickedness, laughter bubbled up uncontrollably in me. It was just like the smelly fart. It was as if Beelzebub himself were possessing me. I was his foul instrument, and there was no stopping my blasphemous laughter. I bowed my head so no one could tell if my heaving shoulders were evidence of sobs for Jesus’ suffering or devil-possessed fart-giggles. I tried to look reverent, but my reputation was forevermore soiled.

My underpants were, too.

***

Have a Happy Easter and go easy on the eggs. Trust me on that one!

Remember, you can't blame everything on the dog or the grandparents...

Remember, you can’t blame everything on the dog or the grandparents…

March 30, 2013

Campnano’

by cobbies69

Sunday 31st March 2013

2013-Participant-Facebook-Cover

2013-Participant-Campfire-Circle-Badge

   Many of you will know on Monday 1st April Campnano starts, this a variation of Nanowrimo, the November  writing project, trying to write a 50000 word novel in a month. However there are differences to Campnano. One has an option of getting allocated a cabin with 5 other writers and then make friends and do little get together’s  like camp fire sing along.  Or  if you know others that are doing it then you can invite these to be in the same cabin, and then hopefully build your own camp mates. Another option is to opt out of any of this and be a loner and do it on your own. I have been lucky enough to know a couple and have been given our own cabin with a few unknown.

One of the main differences with this is that we can nominate our own word count, I know of some that has nominated a lowly number of 15000 words. Because it is a relaxed project I have nominated 35000 words and fully intend to do more. But my  main goal is to complete.  There are events during the month, one is Marathon day on the 14th. Will report more  nearer the time.

My story is about my family  and it’s squabbles, but I am going to try and transfer all these events  back into medieval times, with a mixture of  magic and creatures of the mind. But all events were modern day events. King and Queen and the fighting for power among the children, knowing the death of the King is near.

All that remains is watch this space and read my weekly update..  Oh yes, Wish me luck..

CyKlopps28http://geetoni.wordpress.com/

Restawylehttp://cobbies69.wordpress.com/

thank you09

thank you87

March 30, 2013

Welcome Our 2nd Tuesday Writer… Jacob Holo

by darkjade68

JacobWelcome Our 2nd Tuesday Writer… Jacob Holo

I’d like to Welcome our 2nd New Tuesday Writer, Jacob Holo to our Band of Writers.

This will be the First Time that I’ve had More than One Writer designated to a particular Story Day, but My “Call To Arms (Writers Wanted)” Post has brought Three Story Writers… And I want to give them an Opportunity to Show Their Stuff!

Paul Davis, our other New Tuesday Writer, was totally fine with sharing his day.

Here’s Jacob’s Personal Site @ Holo Writing

Welcome to “Legends Undying” Jacob!

DarkJade-