Movie Review – Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

by paigeaddams

  Hello all! I’ve been wanting to get back into doing some movie reviews for a while. I’ve definitely missed them! 🙂 This is the first review in a set of two I’ll be posting tonight ~ Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters! 🙂

Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters New Poster 2013  Starring: Jeremy Renner (Hansel), Gemma Arterton (Gretel), Famke Janssen (Muriel), Peter Stormare (Berringer)

Plot (taken from Yahoo):

“5 years after siblings Hansel and Gretel hatched their escape from a child-snatching witch who changed their lives forever… and gave them a taste for blood. Now they have come of age as fierce, formidably skilled bounty unders 100% dedicated to tracking and terminating witches in every dark forest — hell-bent on retribution. But as the notorious Blood Moon approaches and a familiar wooded town faces a nightmare for its innocent children, Hansel & Gretel encounter an evil beyond any witch they’ve ever hunted – an evil that could hold the secret to their frightening past.”



Jeremy Renner (Hansel) plays a very stoic kind of hero. I’m slowly gaining an appreciation for this actor. I haven’t seen him in much, but I remember him from The Avengers (he played Hawkeye), and I’m hoping I’ll be seeing him in more.

Gemma Arterton (Gretel) plays a badass heroine. Lol, I’ve never really seen Gretel in that light, but this actress pulled it off nicely. 🙂 I haven’t seen her in much either, but I really liked her in this.

Famke Janssen (Muriel) plays a strong villain. That’s one thing I’ve always really liked about this actress. She knows how to play a tough female character well.

Peter Stormare (Berringer) plays a good villain too. Lol, I think I’ve only ever seen him in villain roles, now that I think about it. 🙂

Hansel___Gretel__Witch_Hunters movie poster


This was a fun kind of action movie that you shouldn’t take too seriously. There were a few silly parts, and several mildly corny parts, but it was fun to see Hansel and Gretel portrayed a different way. I’ve never read the Grimm’s Fairytale version, but I wonder if this might be a little closer to the original feel as far as it being a little darker?


Why yes – in case you’re wondering, that is a witch hunting gatling gun.

They had some awesome weapons in this, lol, and lots of them. One of my favorites has to be Gretel’s crossbow. And some strategically placed metal wire, which is gruesome but very effective.

And the gatling gun. 🙂 Everybody needs a gatling gun, right?

Lol, in case I have failed to mention it – this movie is kind of gory.

I actually really liked the witch designs as well. Lol, they were over the top, but in a cool way. 🙂


They all kind of had their own thing going as far as looks, but they all followed the formula for a witch that this movie set out. They were all pale, with cracked, decaying skin. Their lips and the skin around their eyes were dark, and their teeth were rotten. And only the oldest and most powerful could hold the illusion of a more human-looking appearance for a short time. It kind of reminded me of the way possessed people are portrayed in exorcism/haunting movies. Not bad though, and the way they moved in fight scenes was kind of cool too – lol, aside from a strange kind of four-legged running they decided to do. Then it got a little too silly. 🙂

My rating for Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters: Somewhere between Not Bad and Cash-Worthy, depending on how serious you like your action movies. If you’re looking for something more epic, this may not be as much for you. Definitely check it out if you like movies like The Scorpion King and Tomb Raider.


My Rating System:

Epic: This movie is so mind-bogglingly awesome that I may go see it twice. This one will have a place of honor on my shelf.

Cash-Worthy: Good stuff. This will most likely find a place on my shelf.

Not Bad: I liked it. I’m glad I saw it, and it may or may not end up on my shelf at some point. I would say rent it first to be safe.

Meh: Rent it first. You may love it or hate it, but I’m indifferent probably because it’s not my type of movie. I’m glad I saw it, but it won’t end up on my shelf.

Emergency Cake: I have an emotional reaction to movies sometimes, especially to tragedies. If a movie makes me sad or angry, sometimes it will stick with me for a while. At these times, only chocolate cake can save me. Chocolate cake makes everything better. No shelf for you. Ever.



16 Comments to “Movie Review – Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters”

  1. Thanks for the review. Seems like a reasonably fun movie, but why they always have to pin them to something like a fairy story or old legends or based very loosely on a book, I don’t know. Why not just do a story from scratch?

    • Perhaps to serve as motivation? I’ll have to watch the movie and see if it plays a part, or has any kind of tie-in to the original.

    • Lol, that’s a good question. Even though I love all these movies based on books, fairytales, and legends, I would like to see more work from scratch, admittedly. As long as the story is engaging and thought out, I’m happy though. 🙂 I think my least favorite movies are the ones that feel rushed, like maybe they put more into the special effects than character development, or things like that. Lol, or really, really depressing endings. 🙂

  2. Thanks for the review. I decided to pass on this movie at the theaters, but will definitively rent it. I do like the actor on most stuff I’ve seen him in. Don’t know the actress.

    • Yeah, that actor is slowly growing on me. 🙂 It’s funny, I didn’t think I had seen the actress in too many things either, but when I looked her up on Yahoo I realized I’ve actually seen her in a few, and just didn’t remember, lol. She was in Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Quantum of Solace, and Clash of the Titans.

      • So, she’s, like, zero for four?

        • Lol, pretty much. 🙂 I liked Prince of Persia though.

          • Noooo!!! . . .say it ain’t so . . . we only made it 20 minutes into the film before deciding life was too short to spend even one more minute on it. That, and Sands of Time (I presume you refer to the movie with Jayne and Inara) both.

            But, I understand . . . well, no, I don’t, but social convention says I have to say that.

            • Lol – it may not be so my friend. 🙂 Which one had Jayne and Inara? I googled the names with Sands of Time, and came up with either Sands of Oblivion (a Sci-Fi channel movie) or Firefly (a Sci-Fi channel TV series).

              Is this the one you saw?:

              That’s the one I love. 🙂 I think I may be a bit biased though, because it’s based on one of my favorite video games.

              • Sorry, senile old man here . . . I forgot Prince of Persia, the Sands of Time, was all one title. In my mind, I parsed it as Prince of Persia and Sands of Oblivion.

                So, let me clarify. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time – – I rate a 7 out of 68. Did not finish watching it.

                Sands of Oblivion – I rate a 4 out of 93.

                In both instances I stopped watching within the first twenty minutes, and I was being overly generous with my time (I sent them a bill, but they refused to pay it, claiming no one forced me to watch as much as I did).

                Now, if you had some other connection to the movie, like a game, well then . . . I still don’t get it.

                • Lol, they never do seem to want to pay up for the pain and suffering caused by bad movies, do they? They take no responsibility for unleashing such miseries upon the unsuspecting public. (Sucker Punch, I’m looking at you…there is not enough chocolate cake in the universe to make that okay)

                  Lol, I’ve never watched Sands of Oblivion, but I will trust your opinion on that one. 🙂 With Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, it must be my love of the game that clouds my judgment. The movie was so corny in places, but all the nostalgia from the series of games made it worth it for me. 🙂

                  • I probably blocked it my mind, but if I am reading the above correctly, you are one of THEM . . .

                    . . . people who have not watched Firefly . . . I never thought one would come across as normal, let alone that I would interact normally with one. I always heard . . . well, best not repeat it . . .it’s not flattering.

                    Seriously, you have not watched Firefly? Don’t know about Inara, Jayne, River, Simon, Mal, Wash, Book, and Zoe? Serenity?

                    . . . you poor thing . . . your life must be so dark!

                    But here is what I can do for you. It’s available streaming, but I would suggest buying the DVD set. Then I suggest watching all 14 episodes, and after that, and only after that, watch the movie Serenity..

                    If I misread the above, and you have watched the series . . . whew! . . . that was a scary moment. Sorry I lumped you in with THEM.

                    This, perhaps might help you toward the righteous path if, indeed, you have not yet set foot on it:


                • I have to admit it. I can no longer deny… I am one of… THEM…. I’ve never seen Firefly.

                  *hangs head in shame*

                  For me, a lover of all things fantasy and sci-fi, this situation must be rectified! I saw that it was on Netflix, and I had a feeling I’d like it, so it’s been in my que. I also thought I’d love it because I love Nathan Fillion. 🙂 I will definitely watch it next.

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