Archive for ‘Defining Moments’

March 31, 2013

An Embarrassing Easter Story. Why Not?

by Lorna's Voice
Yup, I know how you feel Eunice. Someone in the family tells you to bring "dessert" to the family dinner but half of them are vegan-glutton-free-no-sugar freaks and the the other half think donuts are the healthy alternative to Pop-Tarts. Phoning a friend isn't going to help. Phoning a travel agent might, though...

Yup, I know how you feel Eunice. Someone in the family tells you to bring “dessert” to the family dinner but half of them are vegan-glutton-free-no-sugar freaks and the other half think donuts are the healthy alternative to Pop-Tarts. Phoning a friend isn’t going to help. Phoning a travel agent might, though…

Holidays of any kind–religious or secular–are simply not my thing. Too much fuss for my Highly Sensitive Person self and enough disturbing memories to just want to stay home alone and do something productive like blog or watch reruns of Mr. Ed, who was a very wise horse, indeed.

I always think glasses make a person look smart, don't you? Same goes for horses in my book...

I always think glasses make a person look smart, don’t you? Same goes for horses in my book…

Just to convince you that I’m not making this stuff up (at least the disturbing memories part), here’s a snippet from my memoir. This actually happened to me when I was about 11 or 12 on Good Friday, before Easter.

I'm in the middle. Also, this picture was taken when we were all a bit younger than when the following story took place, but you can see that we took our Easter Bonnet church duties quite seriously back then.

I’m in the middle. Also, this picture was taken when we were all a bit younger than when the following story took place, but you can see that we took our Easter Bonnet church duties quite seriously back then.

***

During the tortuous Catholic celebration leading up to Easter, I attended the interminable Stations of the Cross. This very solemn ritual was held on Friday of Holy Week. It was called Holy Week because Good Friday lasted about a week. If that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is. On the Good Friday in question, instead of feeling pious or sad for Jesus for having to carry his own cross, I felt the need to go to the bathroom. I’d had an egg salad sandwich for lunch before going to church. There should be a rule against egg salad before church. Slipping out of the pew to find a bathroom never crossed my mind. Did churches even have bathrooms? It seemed unholy to pee or poop in church.

I felt rumbling in my belly, then lower. Squirming to prevent an explosion only got me looks of disapproval from Mémé [my grandmother] and Mom. Soon Pépé [my step-grandfather]  and my sisters were taking an interest in the developments. Holding in the amassing gas was agonizing, but letting it out was inconceivable. I’d rather be taken out on a stretcher with a burst intestine than fart in church.

But of course physiology won out over dignity, and out came a long, loud, send-me-to-Hell-for-sure fart. During a moment of silent prayer. Any physical relief I felt was overshadowed by my unspeakable embarrassment and the foul odor that was surging up like a tiny mushroom cloud. There was no hiding who’d done it. I blushed a divine shade of cardinal red from scalp to sole; Judgment Day was upon me, and it wasn’t looking (or smelling) very good. While everyone else in the church did their best to overlook my noxious, broken-muffler, butt noise, my family felt obliged to react.

“Lorna!” Mom and Mémé whispered in unified mortification.

“Lorna!” Pépé and my sisters whispered in wonder and with a touch of respect.

To seal my wickedness, laughter bubbled up uncontrollably in me. It was just like the smelly fart. It was as if Beelzebub himself were possessing me. I was his foul instrument, and there was no stopping my blasphemous laughter. I bowed my head so no one could tell if my heaving shoulders were evidence of sobs for Jesus’ suffering or devil-possessed fart-giggles. I tried to look reverent, but my reputation was forevermore soiled.

My underpants were, too.

***

Have a Happy Easter and go easy on the eggs. Trust me on that one!

Remember, you can't blame everything on the dog or the grandparents...

Remember, you can’t blame everything on the dog or the grandparents…

July 22, 2012

Making Sense of it All.

by Patrick Dykie

     I originally thought of writing a story about the tragedy in Colorado from a perspective of what lessons we can learn, and what good might come out of such a terrible thing. I soon found it very hard to find anything good to write about amidst all the fear, pain, loss and horror of such an event. For the past few days, since hearing what happened in a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, I’ve had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and a deep sadness that at times almost overwhelms me. Almost two thousand miles, and half the country separates me from what happened, but I woke up this morning, and it feels like I’m walking in mud, and I find it hard to breath. I’m not even going to pretend I understand how the survivors, and the families of the victims feel. I can only imagine.

     There are also far more intelligent and insightful people out there then me, trying to make sense of what happened. There are many talented broadcasters, dedicated law enforcement personnel, scholars, leaders of religious groups and churches, and mental health professionals, weighing in on the tragedy. If you don’t mind, I would like to take a few minutes to try in my own respectful, simple way to make sense of what happened.

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January 8, 2012

The Dark Globe – Greetings and Salutations

by darkjade68

THE DARK GLOBE – EDITORIAL – (2012) SECOND EDITION

by DarkJade

Greetings and Salutations… Happy New Year, and Greetings from The Dark Globe

 

 

Greetings and Salutations from The Dark Globe.

I hope all of you had a Happy New Year, and maybe even got a Present or two of your liking.

I’m glad to be back, lol

Not that I really went to far… Just got in my car and drove as far as I could get, before turning around and getting back here to do this post, lol.

But really, this should be an interesting Year…

I suppose this wouldn’t be a bad time to do a bit of a Review, and Update of our Different Section/Pages on the Site… So here we go.

The Inaugural Dark Globe Outstanding Artist Awards went quite well, and I even got several of the Winners to do some Guest Posts in the last week… You can see them in the Outstanding Artist Awards Section, The Writer’s Voice Section, or The Dark Globe Site News Section…

Pete, Quill and Pdk were all made Senior Writers for The Dark Globe, so Gratz to them… Better Parking, and a Pay Raise I hope? Hmm Gratz Guys, I appreciate all your Efforts in getting the Dark Globe off the Ground.

Film Reviews – Pete’s been doing some really strong Films Reviews for the Site, and I do one on occasion… But he’s really been helping me and the Site out.

The Writer’s Voice – Has many Posts, by several different Writers on the Site.

Technology – I’ve done a couple Technology Related Posts, but as Technology is something I use, but don’t know tons about, I hope to track down some Writers for that Section this year.

Fashion – Is looking good, got a couple Articles in there.

Music – Once again, hope to track down some Writers for that section, but will continue to Link Articles from my Main Blog The Written Word, as I often do pieces about Music, and/or Musicians over there.

Featured Novels and Poems from the Crew – Quill Featured one of her Novels in November, and I Featured a couple of my Poems in December… Quill is likely to Feature some more of her work in January.

Photos and Photography – Mark has been doing a Great Job at supplying the Site with some of his Photos, and even Premiered his First Ever Street Photography on his last Post. He’s also supplied some information for Beginning Photographers who are just starting out… So Thanks Mark.

Health or Diet – I had done a few Health Posts on The Written Word, as well as one on The Dark Globe I believe, but Pdk has been adding several Posts that touch on Health, so you should definitely check those out.

Writing The Craft – A Couple Different of our Writers have contributed to that Section/Page, and I hope to get some more Writers to as well…

Finance and Economy – This section has been a bit slim, and I really hope to track down some Writers for this section… Especially with all that’s going on World Wide with the Economy, some Good Advice, is likely to be well received, and Appreciated.

Short Stories From The Crew – Pdk has really Spear Headed this Section, with many Pieces that our Readers really seem to like… Check them out if you haven’t.

Deep Impact – I’ve written several pieces here, and Highly Encourage other Writers, Photographers Etc. to Post some Pieces for it… We’ve all had people in our lives that have had a Deep Impact on us, and I think it’s a great way for all of us to get to know one another a bit more… Writer, Photographer, Artist and Readers alike.

Defining Moments – Is also a section that I’ve contributed to, but we also had another one of our Writers add a piece as well… Definitely a Good section for any of us to Contribute to…

West Coast Yankee Fan – Okay, Okay… So this Section/Page is a bit of a Writer’s Indulgence, lol… Namely, me. But I do Highly Encourage other Baseball Fans, Crew, or Guest Writers, to Contribute to it as well… By Writing a Piece about “Their Team” of Choice… As it’s not just a Yankee Section/Page. It’s more of a Baseball Section/Page.

Recommended Sites (Dark Blog Roll) – As a way to allow Sufficient Room for all of the Bloggers out there that we would Recommend our Readers to Check out, I created this page. Check it out, there’s some really Great Sites.

Dark Globe Site News – Just a way to Keep our Readers Further Aware, and Involved with the Happening in, on, and behind the workings of the Site.

Dark Chat – Also as an Experiment, I created a ChatRoll for The Dark Globe, just Click the Picture of the Globe on the Upper Right side of the Site… Which gives Readers and Crew an opportunity to Chat if they’d like, as it’s basically like a Site Chat Room… I may also use these ChatRolls in the Future, as a way to Create some Question and Answer Events on the Site, where we let people know ahead of time about a Specific Guest that will be on there, and willing to take some questions etc. We shall see, it’s just an Experiment so far.

I’ll go ahead and Close here, I really appreciate all the Support from Crew and Readers Alike during 2011, and I look forward to bringing you all more and more Writers, Photographers, Artists Etc. to check out.

Thanks for your Listening/Reading

DarkJade-

PHOTO CREDIT – Happy New Year 2012